MustStop

My girlfriend of over a year and a half left me 3 days ago and I lost my job back in September, alcohol was a major factor in losing both. I am an alcoholic. I feel like I am officially at rock bottom and the alcohol has to go. I had a half bottle of Rye and dumped it down the drain a few hours ago and have been watching self help videos on youtube.

I began drinking at the age of 15 but really began to drink heavily around the age of 21, I am 31 now. I usually drink 7 or 8 Tall boys every night, if I miss a day its because I was too sick from the night before. When she left I hit the Rye, hard.

We had a fight 3 nights ago over the phone, she was trying to work things out and give me goals to achieve to better myself and my situation. She didnt know, but I was drunk and said mean things and disregarded everything she said. I woke up hungover and she wanted out..I could barely even remember the conversation from the night before but what she recited to me was brutal. Now there has been no contact and this alcohol problem must be taken care of, immediately.

We didnt live together and she was totally unaware of me pounding back all those beers every night. When she would come over I would hide the empties, when we would meet it would never be before noon or 1pm because I was recovering from a hangover and didnt want her to see.

I've grown complacent, no energy, always hungover, barely eat, not really looking for a new job and just generally a loser. I cant blame her for leaving.

So starting now I am stopping the booze. My first goal is to go 3 days, then hopefully push that to 5, 7, 10 etc. One day at a time.

I did this once before in my 20's when I couldnt afford any alcohol and after 2 weeks I didnt even have any cravings so hopefully it wont be too different this time around.

Anyway, Ill likely be spending lots of time here as I am sure there will be times when support and advice will be needed. I am committed to making this work and thank everyone in advance for the help and support.