I honestly don't even know how my mother in-law would react if I told her that something she was saying was hurting my feelings...my husband's family has the tendency to shrug things off, so I don't know how that would go over.
I have found repeat as necessary to be a critical part of standing up to people, my dad was always once who when you showed youe feelings would question my manhood cally me various names for female genitalia or a candy-a$$, I would just ask him why do you feel the need to do that?
And, although I don't think this is healthy, I believe that my pride and inherent feeling that I need to protect myself emotionally from this woman and not allow her to see that I am vulnerable to being hurt by her (the same way that I feel about my mom) may not allow for me to be that open just yet...but it's something I will give some serious consideration to, as it seems like a healthier response that just digging back.
Could it be that she is thick-headed or do you believe she is a bully?
In reality, it makes me want to stick my finger in her eye (I suppose the anger is the fall back defense for feeling hurt). When this happens I go into my own little mental movie and actually play it in my head, it gives me a little laugh.
The proximity thing is hard...I hope it doesn't sound like I'm "justifying" things here, I suppose I just use this forum and the feedback that I get from all of you to kind of sort things out in my own head, hahah. My husband is very close to his family, as I was once very close to my family.
Ok,he is close to his family, does that mean he is ok with the mistreatment? The one thing I refused to allow my family to do was mistreat my ex-wife,as much as they hated her, they held their tongues becuase I told them, you want me around you will be civil to my spouse, you don't have to be warm and cuddly, but no overt or covert BS will be tolerated.
We're looking at houses right now, as the apartment we live in is really cramped and is driving my husband a bit mental, so we won't be living in the same building for long...although that does have its benefits, to be sure, as far as babysitting and just being able to go to the store without a big production. But then, there's something in me that doesn't even want to give her the satisfaction of asking her to babysit, as she insists on bringing her overbearing, boundary pushing friend along as often as she can justify it--in spite of the fact that she knows, under no uncertain terms, that we do not want that person around us.
I have to tell you it was never worth the price for me, I watched my sister dump my niece at my moms every time she wanted to do anything, pretty soon my mom was running the show, telling her how to parent all the time, what could my sister say, she had a choice, free babysitting and taxi service with grandma calling the shots or haul my niece everywhere with her, she chose to let grammy run the show.
When my daughter was born we went 100% the other way, no parents allowed in the delivery room, no asking for babysitting except a very rare evening out, our daughter went everywhere with us, we lived downtown in a bar & restaraunt district and she a big hit, she sat in a punkin seat on the patio with us, we just got used to hauling her along, I had one of those african baby slings and I just spun her up in there and carried her on my back to the store.
(We're willing to offer her friend help along the lines of picking things up for her while we're at the grocery store and dropping them off at my mother in-law's apartment, but we're not trying to be her surrogate family the way my mother in-law would like for us to be.)
My therapist reminds me of this all the time. NO is a complete sentence.
Gahhh! I think this is probably just "life on life's terms", so to speak. I've had to let go of my control issues in this area regarding my husband's family, as it is my natural inclination to simply not want them around at all, which isn't fair to my husband or my son.
As I said before he should defend you at every turn in the road, it is his job to make sure that his mother treats you with respect.
Anyway kiddo, hope I am not offending you with this, anytime you want me to stand down I will, but I am worried about you so I am playing it straight.