My Update
I am on day 22 of being sober. I don’t have the urge to drink, but I was kind of expecting that. My big struggle will come after 6-12 months out when I have been sober for a while. I will be feeling good and my Addictive Voice will try and tell me I never had a problem before and I an go back to drinking and do it in moderation. I know that is not the case, and I will have to fight that battle.
I’m reading “Rational Recovery: The new Cure...”, and it is making sense to me. I’ve been thinking about checking out SMART Recovery too. RR seems to be pretty down on meetings, but for me, finding others and talking about what we are going through seems like it would help.
I have lost 14 pounds since quitting drinking. Some of that is from getting rid of the beer, some is due to all of the walking I have been doing to clear my head, and some of it is due to decreased appetite from all of the anxiety, worry, and uncertainty of the last 3 weeks.
My biggest issue right now is battling the severe anxiety and depression I am feeling. I started taking Buspar for anxiety a few weeks ago, but I had a bad reaction to it and wanted to stop, so I did so. I went to my GP last week and got a prescription for Celexa (10mg). It seems like it maybe working, but it is really too early to tell for sure. I’m hoping the doc ups the dose when I talk to her next. I’m really up and down. Feeling good one moment and really sad and anxious the next. It is truly a roller coaster right now. This upcoming Wednesday I will start seeing an therapist for anxiety once a week. I’m hoping this will help a lot.
I have to be honest: sometimes I avoid coming to SR because I am feeling so down in the dumps that reading about other peoples struggles and problems pushes me further and further into the abyss. Sometimes I just need to fill my brain with positive thoughts in order to feel better. That seems selfish to me, but I am really trying to suck it up and be around here as much as possible.
Right now, every day is a battle for me. Not to avoid alcohol, but to try and claw through the depression and hopelessness. I read Carol’s PAWS article frequently, which reminds me that this will take some time to get through and I can only look forward to a day when I will feel better. I have to keep reminding myself that all of the pain and hard work is to get to a better place where I can feel the best I can possibly feel and I can start living life again.