Originally Posted by
DesertEyes 
...What helped me was to realize that I did _not_ feel rejected and inadequate around those "toxic" people. I felt rejected and inadequate all on my own, they just interfered with my usual coping mechanisms that hid my insecurities from myself. I had to work on the reasons _why_ I had that low self-esteem and get _that_ fixed little by little. As I did that I began to feel less overwhelmed by toxic people, not just in my family but out there in the real world.
That's really helpful, Mike, thanks. And absolutely accurate, of course.
Sometimes I feel like my self-worth was so damaged and broken by my childhood that I could never possibly repair it, like I'll remain a fragmented human being for the rest of my life...
But I've heard of the "Inner Child" work that people do, and I've done some of that for myself with specific issues, and it does seem to help.
I haven't followed through with caring for my inner child, or the "Lost Child" on a daily basis, though. I usually just kind of check in, look around, and sometimes I will see, in my mind's eye, a very scared, anxious little girl who is feeling ashamed and wants to hide. I visualize caring for that little girl, or teenager, or whatever age the child takes when I "look inside myself", and I often feel as though I've released some of the pent up emotions related to different experiences when I do that exercise.
Maybe I should go more with what you suggested in the link, and do this on a daily basis.
I really do need to start giving myself some positive affirmations.
I have a recorder with headphones, and if I just wanted to take the time, I could easily record a few things to listen to as I fall asleep, or while sitting quietly, etc.
The therapist who gave me the recorder/headphones suggested saying a negative perception about myself, countered with a positive affirmation...
Something along the lines of "Although I don't feel like I'm good enough, I am good enough", etc. (I will add here that the snide, critical part of my brain just told me that I sound like Jack Handy).
But, to get back to it...you're right; it's not the toxic people around me who make me feel worthless and bad, that's how I feel all the time (insert critical voice here, shaming me for feeling worthless and bad).
If I hadn't learned that that's a "normal" way to feel all day every day, I would probably just shrug off their behavior and go on about my life.
So...parenting my inner child, or the "lost child" will help with my self-worth... I suppose I had never really connected the two ideas, as I haven't read too much about those concepts, just heard about them from other people.
Thanks again for the input and suggestions!
