I know that I post a lot on here, and sometimes I even feel guilty for that, like I'm hogging the forum or something. But I know that I need help, and this is where I know I can get it.
Hogging the forum? That's like saying you're "hogging the internet". So based on your logic, nobody can use this forum while you're using it? Does this seem rational? (hint: no, it does not).
The wonderful thing about forums like this is that everyone can use it at once, whenever they need to, even if they need to at 2am because their brains are spinning and they can't sleep. I use this forum every chance I get (tho' lately my work hours have prevented me). I usually post when I get up while drinking coffee (thus my typos and weird sentences that make little sense). I also use it at night when I can't get some something out of my head enough to wind down. And I try to give back to the people who have given me so much.
You can't "hog" the forum. People will respond or not respond based upon their choices. You can put something out there and see what happens. Assuming you can "hog" it has an implicit idea that you can control the actions (or inactions) of others. Except you can't. You could post 20 posts a day if you wanted to. People could respond or not, as they wanted to.
Usually, when I see someone posting a lot of posts all at once, I assume that they have either recently found this forum and are so relieved to have someplace where people 'get it' without having to try to explain (and people who grew up healthy will never understand, no matter how hard you try to explain). Or they're going through a very difficult time due to a trigger and are reaching out because they're in desperate need of support.
I place no value judgment on either of those. If you just found the forum, welcome! It's a wonderful place to share, and I'm very happy you found us! It's extremely cathartic to be able to let all those inner thoughts out and get feedback from the "been there, done that" crowd.
If you're in a triggering situation, then we will all be here for you, to support you in what ways we can. Even if all we can do is say "I send you my support, you're not alone." The social isolation of our issues seems to make them significantly worse, so spill your guts here, get lots of support here, and travel the path with others who have traveled it before you.
So...any suggestions on how to give myself positive feedback instead of negative, shaming feedback when I'm not able to magically make all the toxic behavior disappear at once?
I used to use the following: "I am a human. Humans make mistakes. To not make mistakes is to not be human. If I ever met a 'perfect person', they would be creepy. I am not creepy, I make mistakes, there is no fault in being human."
There are a variety of little mantras I use, but this one is the most powerful one for me when I'm beating myself up for something. It's not an excuse to treat everyone poorly all the time, it is a means of getting rid of the negative self talk which does nothing to make the situation better, and may even make it worse.