No you didn't get the childhood you deserved, neither did I , neither did most of us here. But that has to be forgiven. I know it's hard, it was the hardest thing I ever did. As some mention here forgiveness does not mean that now you don't acknowledge the bad stuff that happened, it doesn't give the perpetrator a free pass. It does give you freedom though. It is hard and it won't come easy but sooner or later it has to be done if you want to be free. Don't give up on yourself, be gentle with yourself. It will take as long as it has to.