Thank you for sharing Suffocating.
I can relate. I have felt like this MANY times before. But I keep coming back because over time I'm seeing progress in myself too.
Are you also working the steps? When I first started my recovery work I purchased the big red book and the yellow workbook from the ACA/WSO. Defining and redefining my relationship with my HP helped me get through some difficult periods. For me, there was a lot of power and support in steps 1-3. Which I have heard some people summarize as:
I can't, he can, I'm going to let him.
There was one meeting that I went to when I was feeling particularly emotional over a fight that my sister and I were having. After I shared, a woman in the group basically shared that she was glad that she has continued in her recovery because she is no longer as crazy as I was! I was so mad that I wanted to walk out. Never went back to that meeting again.
If the particular meeting that you went to doesn't fit, I would try to shop around a little more if you can.
Wish I had more words of wisdom to share. I don't understand why the 12-steps work. I try not to intellectualize it too much. However, I do know that by sharing and bringing all my bad memories to light, in a safe environment where people understand, they somehow lose their power over me.
Thanks again for sharing and for letting me share.
db