Old 01-19-2012, 03:14 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Plath
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Where the buffalo roam
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Originally Posted by dbh View Post
Dear Plath,

I can related. When I first looked at the "Laundry List" of ACA traits and could identify with many of them, I thought to myself "OMG, I had no idea I was being such a jerk!"

There were also some of my traits that I actually thought were assets!

...Then I read something in a recovery book about how exhausting it is to be around people pleasers and how you can never tell how they really feel because they are always trying to get your approval. Ugh!

...The stuff that I learned I learned for a reason. It was actually a sane response to an insane environment.

...So my ACA traits/character defects/flaws are sort of like old friends that I have outgrown. I try to appreciate all they have done for me, but I'm also trying to give them the message that they are no longer needed.
Oh, that makes so much sense, db, and I find these to be unbelievably helpful analogies.
I can go from "people pleasing mode" to "F-You mode" in about a half second.

I know that, especially in my work environments (and, evidently with my mother in-law, who always gives me that subtle, slightly disapproving vibe), the people pleasing thing can be really irritating to others.
I have some patience for it, but I can even get slightly annoyed by that behavior in other people, even though I am entirely capable of acting out on it myself!

A

Anyway, I love the analogy of our learned behaviors being like old friends who we've outgrown.
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