Hummingbird2, my heart goes out to you like you can't imagine!!!!! My younger brother is an addict, age 22. I am almost 25. My brothers choice of drug has always been speed, but the past year this has turned into a heroin and pill addiction as well. He had a year sober until this last summer and things got really really bad, we almost lost him. He is also HIV positive (diagnosed in 2010) and the end of this year was diagnosed HEP C positive as well.
From what it sounds like, you, your parents, and sister have been enabling his addiction. You all need to be on board the same boat if you even have a chance of pushing him toward help. The things I am going to say are going to sound very harsh, and they are. But the reality is the more you choose to give him money, let him live in your homes, and whatever else contributes to his use, is only helping to kill him. Do not let him threaten any of you by telling you that people will come to find you guys and kill you. If you really do feel threatened by that then you should contact local authorities to help guide you in the right direction to help in your safety.
1. DO NOT GIVE HIM ANY MONEY WHAT SO EVER!!! I will tell you now that it is not only very possible for him to be spending that kind of money on oxy, but do not discount the fact that he may be using other drugs as well! Oxy may be his DOC (drug of choice) but addicts will often use many other types of drugs in conjunction with the DOC.
2. Tell him unless he gets treatment, that he can no longer live in your homes. You are only putting yourselves in danger. Also, by giving him a place to stay, he has no reason to want to get sober since he knows you will continually let him in.
3. Do not let his threats get to you. If he chooses to go rob or kill people then guess what...THOSE ARE HIS CHOICES. Addicts are SOOOOO good at manipulating others, especially family. That is a bunch of bull ****. My brother went to jail 2x and was hospitalized 4 times this last year. 3 times in 5150 and once for an overdose. Did it suck watching him go through it? HELL YES IT DID! But guess what, we all have our choices in life and your brother is not exempt from making his own. You and your family have the choice to let him continue to walk all over you.
4. GET TO AL ANON or some sort of counseling.
At this point your brother seems to be pretty rock bottom. So was my brother, and he has been there more than once. Trust me, as hard as it is cutting the addict off from any help aside from helping them get into treatment and with their recovery is the best thing you can do to help. Think of it this way, every time you guys give him money what is he going to do with it? BUY DRUGS. How would you feel if the money he used to go buy some oxy will be the time he uses and overdoses? Every time you give money, or a place to live, you contribute to his use, and eventually his death.
Its a harsh reality to face, and one that I have had to accept with not just my little brother but my father as well. My dad lost his battle with addiction in 2008. The sad reality is that most likely I won't be loosing my brother to HIV or HEP C...I will be loosing him to drugs. Each moment that they have been sober is a blessing! I chose not to contribute towards my brothers disease or my dads while he was alive. Im glad you have found this forum. It has saved me in the last few days. My husband is an alcoholic and I am finally making decisions to better my life. What he chooses to do is his choice, just like your brother has his choices to make. I am so so so sorry that you are going through this pain. It is imperative you create a support system, get to al anon, and get your family on board as well. If even one of you isn't on the same page his chance of getting sober won't be good. Watching my mom do the things like I mentioned above was so hard, but so necessary. My brother was off and running for a bit and it was scary preparing for the worst, but today he is sober! He wouldn't be had we kept enabling his drug use.
I will keep you and your family and your brother in my prayers <3