Relationship With Former Opiates Addict.
I'm 37 year old male with a history of caregiving and codependency. I got out of an abusive/codependent marraige seven years ago and have done a lot of work on myself in the meantime. Recently thought I was strong enough and ready to start living a bit more and look for the relationship I feel I deserve. Met someone nice, we get along good but I have some doubts and no-one else I can talk about this stuff without breaking the 'confessional seal' on our relationship - she confessed to me she used to be an opiates addict but hasn't used consistently for about seven months except for a brief relapse about three months ago.
She has a regular job and has broken off contact with her former drug-using associates. It turns out the guy she used to be with was also an addict and he's the one who introduced her; he was manipulative, abusive etc. I think she's a bit of a 'caretaker' too in that way, like me, or like I was, only now I'm looking after myself better and aware of what happens when all that caretaking of another person starts to happen.
I don't want to go down that road again, but I don't want to not give her a chance. She hasn't done anything wrong or lied as far as I'm aware or crossed any boundary. Still, it's like i'm waiting for it to happen and I'm worried I'll invest time, energy etc., and when I start to really care - bang!
So, am I being realistic? Can I really build a relationship with this kind of beginning, this kind of mutual history? I'm willing to try, but is there anyone else who has a similar experience with a positive outcome? I can't tell whether I've slipped back into caregiving mode without even noticing, or whether I'm genuinely right to hope the best for us and to believe in the best in this person.
This is kind of another question, but I also worry that the romantic/phisical side of our relationship might just be a substitute for her addiction. i get the feeling sometimes I'm just a partner in that way and not so much me, the person; but then that could just be my own insecurity?
I'd be keen to get some feedback on all this from people who've been in similar boats and know how addicts/codependency works.
God bless and Thanks. H