A lot of times we (family members of addicts) think that the behavior comes along with addiction when in reality, it doesn't. I think it might be exacerbated by the addiction or become more prevalent but that the behaviors are there anyway. I think that is where a recovery program comes into play.
I KNOW I am controlling but when I don't have a "reason" to be controlling, I can usually keep it....well....controlled. As soon as a stressor or "reason" for me to be controlling arises, that behavior manifests itself 10 fold. That is where MY recovery comes into action.
Obviously, he has issues since he is being a jerk to you otherwise but those are going to be up to him to see about and take care of.
The sex thing, I also agree is not personal. Drug users/alcoholics get chemically messed up by using for all those years. Their "feel good" receptors are damaged and it takes years to repair, if it ever fully does.