That sounds familiar -- I felt only relief when my Dad died, a bit over a year ago. I also find that it's pointless to talk to relatives or my Dad's friends -- they simply do not understand what it was like to be his kid. "Oh, that's just the way he was," is how one of my aunts put it the other day, regarding his rages. Everyone loved my Dad -- they saw the smart, witty, fun side of him, not the side we got at home.
That nonsense about "you're just putting more pressure on him to drink" is a common misconception, among people who just do not get it. They think it's possible to "drive someone to drink," when in fact, that's just an excuse. You did not take a bottle and pour it down your father's throat, any more than I did with mine.
Now that they're gone, though, we have a lot of wreckage to deal with. This is going to take awhile....
T