Jala - my heart goes out to you. Everyone replying has given you wonderful advice. So many of us can relate. Your story is not a new one.
One thing that helped me was realizing that my obsession in thinking about my AH 24/7 was much like his obsession with alcohol. I expected him to get over it but I couldn't do it myself. I expected him to use some self-control but I exercised little in my own thought process. Somewhat like the pot calling the kettle black. Both of our obsessions (mine with him, and his with the bottle) were destroying our individual lives so spilling onto the other's. I've really only started on the path to recovery but just like an A, I live one day at a time and am grateful for the minutes and hours that I stay focused on my children, friends and my job. It does get easier. I promise.
My AH also attends meetings on a regular basis although he has had only limited periods of sobriety in the last 2 years. He told me once that sometimes he goes to meetings to see if anyone can talk him out of drinking. If not, he will go buy a bottle. Of course, that is just another excuse and they do have a million of them, but then so do I when I obsess over him.