View Single Post
Old 01-15-2012, 06:07 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
DesertEyes
Member
 
DesertEyes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Originally Posted by Plath View Post
....as it does seem overwhelming to look at my behavior and think "oh, @!#?, I have ALL that to work on???!") ...
Yeah, I do that too. I look at the _whole_ mountain of tasks before me and get overwhelmed. Then it was pointed out to me that the program of recovery comes in steps for a reason. I am supposed to start with the first one, finish it properly, and only then start with the next one.

When I started my "ACoA" work I found that overcoming that first "issue" was very difficult, and it seemed to take forever. The next one, however, was much easier. And the next was downright simple. It's like the analogy of the dominos. Nothing moves until I make the _first_ change, and then it all just flows with ease.

Originally Posted by Plath View Post
.... one thing that I've noticed about myself is that self-awareness tends to come in stages. First I understand something on a surface, intellectual level, and then it dawns on me a little bit deeper, and then the awareness really starts to sink in, and I'm able to make changes. ...
Exactly right. There's a "slogan" in recovery to that effect that says "The longest journey is from the mind to the heart".

Originally Posted by Plath View Post
.... I've noticed that there is so much of my regular behavior that revolves around my triggers, the ingrained belief that ...
That is the way I used to be. I thought that when I left my alcoholic parents home I was free of their influence. What I found in ACoA is that I was still _reacting_ to them long after they were gone. I was not free at all. What helped me in that regard is another nugget of ACoA wisdom. We are all born the same, naked and stupid. Everything else we learned along the road of life.

Therefore, if it is a learned behavior, it can be un-learned.

Today, I have learned how to be the person _I_ want to be. Not some reflex to what my parents were. It is a freedom that I never imagined. In fact, I was not _able_ to imagine.

Ok, so I'm not perfect But I am perfectly comfortable with who I am. The minor stuff that still has to be cleaned up in the way of the wreckage of my parent's past is just a bit of dust in the corner that I will get to little by little

Mike
DesertEyes is offline