Hi nicam
Expect some rambling in this post>>
1
I identify with the anger but gladly it has been fading in my case (3 years out). I imagined so many torture techniques and also wanted the worst...
2
I threw some plates to a wall the other day and felt a difference. Try it. I got some other empty bottles awaiting for me tomorrow. Be careful of course. But I swear it helped.
3
Consider box,kickboxing,martial arts, self defense.. over here I found a really cheap boxing gym... this has helped. I am not an athlete nor anything and there were days the instructors congratulated me LOL easy to hit hard when you imagine the face of someone...
4
Don't think
"I lost 2 years"
But
"I gained 2 years of experiences that will serve me well in the future, when I am rolling around with a great (and healthy) Nordic guy in a beachfront home"
5
Its a good idea not to send those messages anymore or send them to a bogus address.
6
I believe the following happens when you die:
You meet HP/God
You see your life from the outside as in a cinema
You live your life again in fast forward and all the emotions.
Lastly you live the emotions of everyone and everything you touched in your life, family, friends, coworkers, strangers, even gratitude/love from the pets you took care of or plants you watered, etc (sounds new agey I know but this happens to be my personal belief)
So when the day comes for the EX to face stage #3 he will feel EVERYTHING you have felt. To me this would be the best revenge. I don't wish the pain to anyone ever but asking myself "what would give me satisfaction in terms of revenge?" it was: for the EX to feel all I felt, the despair, impotence, sadness, hurt, all those endless days and nights etc etc etc. Yup, I hope he feels all I felt. That's justice for me and I leave it to God. Karma, karma does not leave anyone out in this life or with the Almighty ...you can let it go, it will be taken care of... its not your role.
7
It does get much better, one step at a time, I never thought I would feel better about all what happened but now I do, No contact.. I work with the EX although gladly no longer have to see him everyday or interact much.. but I ran into his car often and his new GF and all that stuff.. even if he was your neighbor.. YOU CAN KEEP YOUR OWN PEACE AND YOUR LIFE IS IN YOUR HANDS ONLY, and it will be great when you no longer care... his success or lack of success or whatever is going or not going in his life has ZERO impact on how you can choose to live your day...
IMHO you have gone through/are going through the worst, it gets better it really does.
(((Hugs)))