Hello everyone
I just joined because I am desperate for some advice, I'll try to keep this short but it probably wont be haha..
I'll get straight to the point, I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years now and he has been drinking about 10-18+ beers every day. When I met him he was addicted to drugs but stopped this because I told him I wouldnt be with a drug addict and then he just progressively started drinking more and more. These last 4 years have honestly been the worst in my life and I regret meeting him, I was in a vulnerable state when I met him and didnt think I deserved a lot so I just sort of accepted his addiction and didnt really 'care' I guess.
He has been very violent to me and he has done a lot of things that I cant even think about. He is a very jealous person and has a problem with me meeting friends at a cafè or at their house but I've kinda gotten used to it. I'm so ashamed ive been with him for this long because I have thought throughout this relationship that I wouldnt stay with him very long but I just have and I dunno why. I used to be a happy, fun and confident person but now I have so much anxiety and I dont do anything without him anymore because I just end up getting yelled at or he gets really drunk to punish me etc.
2 months ago my bf went to jail and had to stay sober, I've tried to convince him to try and stop drinking before of course but he has never wanted to because he thinks he doesnt have a problem. So in jail he was so amazing and so motivated to stay sober and he said he felt so ashamed of the things he had done and he wanted to make it up to me. Then he came home 4 days ago and today he bought 6 beers and I told him that I wont be there for him to go down this road again if he decides to drink again but he just said "I'll make you proud and show you I can quit after two or three beers and I'll only drink once in a while". Of course I know this is nearly impossible for someone who has been addicted to alcohol, and still is so I told him your a grown man and if you decide to drink again thats your decision but I wont be here for you.
He took three sips and then threw the beer out because he said he didnt want me to be in a bad mood. Now I know that I'm not able to see how bad this situation I'm in is and I keep giving him excuses for what he is doing and has done and I'm so confused right now what to do. I didnt use to be a weak person but I guess thats what I've become. I want to leave him because I KNOW this isnt the kind of life I want but I just cant. I'm so worried of what will happen to him if I leave, I'm scared he will end up dead. Also I live in his house, he is the one who works so I've got no money and I know he will make my life so difficult if I leave him. Ahhh.. anyone have any advice what i should do? Should I stay and see if he can actually control his drinking?
Thanks for reading this long post