Well it's day 7 for me peeps! I am very happy about that. It's odd but last weeks hellish hangover seems like a lifetime ago. How quickly I tend to forget, hmmm. So I was at work today and Jamiriquai came on "just dance". If you don't know it, it's a song based on the title: "just dance, for all these bad times i'm going thru" etc etc It's a really catchy song I used to jam to it probably about 7 years ago before I had a problem drinking and could just dance and drink the night away. Anyways, it made me sad, made me crave a drink. I started thinking that living sober feels good but is boring. And how will I ever survive without one of those "crazy" nights again? I know it's maybe the AV talking or just the process I have to go thru to really get to the other side. Still, I mourn for the days when I could drink without issue. When I didn't do it simply to self medicate or numb my feelings. I will never get those days in my 20's back anyway, that decade came and went and most friends I partied with married off and had kids. As I thought about all of this driving home from work, I realized yet again that the thing that drives me to drink is not from a good place. And I know I have a choice- be a party girl and live a crazy life (hey to each their own if this works), or get to be the other me that I really love- caring, somewhat shy, comfortable at home in my pj's with my soul mate (eventually when i find him) haha , responsible, anxiety and depression free etc etc. I decided I was overwhelming myself about thinking about losing out on drinking forever so I am now committing to focusing on one day at a time. Tonight's all I need to get thru. And that, I can certainly handle. Thanks for listening
