Thank you! I know I've enabled him, picking up bills, running to rescue him from his home town when he relapsed. I'm only just starting to realise how I've helped.
But it didn't even cross my mind until I read your words that I shouldn't call his mum, or ex. He said today he was going to call his oldest son who is in college, and I was surprised, pleased but surprised. I need to keep working on my detachment and I won't be calling his mum or anyone else.
thanks for the link too - I'd actually just read it, am scouring the board for helpful texts just like that.