Welcome to the family GoatGirl!
I saw your first post, and am thankful you took the time to start a new thread to introduce yourself to the rest of the family! Please continue to read and post as much as needed. We are here to support you.
And: Good on you for starting Alanon meetings! I needed that hour of serenity to get me through the day/week.
You mentioned that you have not yet informed his family about his upcoming rehab. May I ask why would you feel obligated to share this information? He is an adult and is capable of dialing a phone, right?
By detaching from his addiction, you give him the dignity to handle his own affairs. Sometimes that means allowing him to make mistakes and pay the consequences.
I know it took me by surprise when I realized how much I was enabling my husband's addiction through behaviors like paying his bills for him, calling and making appointments for him, telling his family how we were doing, cleaning up his messes and general mothering of a grown man.
I will share a link that contains steps that really helped me regain control of my own precious life:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html