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Old 09-22-2002, 03:28 PM   #14 (permalink)

Join Date: May 2002
Location: California
Posts: 22
Originally posted by adoberose
Thank you for listening Ninerfan and Pauline,
I would like to say that I do feel guilt right now. I have told you part of my story and not knowing yours. I guess what I am saying is that I am afraid that I am telling you that the addict is still there after 19 years so and that it may scare someone into the Stinky thinking once again. I pray that isn't the case. I do believe that I put myself here in this place totally aware of what I was getting into and turly believing that I was strong enough to handle what ever was to come.
I suppose I am so angry and disappointed in myself that I have the feeling of it doesn't matter any more. I need to find something to do that is constuctive to do with myself this weekend. Does anyone have any sudjestions?
Thanks for your honesty. Speaking only for me, I have to say that not only am I a alcoholic and addict..I am co-dependent. Have not met many that are not. For me relationship addictions are harder than any. I spent my entire life taking his tempreture to see how I am feeling. I know that by going to coda I was able to build my self esteem and know that I can not get him sober or drunk just like anyone else. My relationship was built on two sickies trying to make a wellie. When I worked on my part in it, the relationship ended. I found out that is why I never would work on it. I prayed about it, hoped for it, and pushed him for it...but it was not meant to be. When we meet we were both drunks and once I got sober we just were not compatable ..not that made him bad or lesser of a human than me.

I spent years alone and found out who Tinker was...when I hooked up with my husband now of 12 years we did something I never did. We set boundaries...we both went out even after meeting in sobriety. This time he has told me that he will do anything for me but watch me self destruct or die. That alone is not enough to keep me sober as you can not scare a alcoholic...however since I want this relationship to work and I want a good life I have put my program first. And he does the same.

I do not have a answer for him, but COda and Alanon are good starts. I liked COda as it did not teach me how to live with a alcoholic because personally I do not want to. It did teach self esteem which in turn allowed me to make decisions not out of self will and low self esteem but through wanting a better life for me. So far its working. Hope you can get something out of this rambling. And I will pray for you.

Love Tink
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