90210

Hi. This is definitely a new approach to what I'm going through for me. I think I just need insight from people that have gone through something similar. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 4 years and the beginning of the relationship I was young, and stupid. My boyfriend came clean around late September this year to using oxycotin intravenously for a while guessed about 6 months. When we had first started dating him and his friends would do it for fun, I was 18 at the time didn't really have the morals I do now. As our relationship progressed and I grew up I though I made my expectations clear by telling him that drugs were no longer okay with me, he agreed. So when he came to me with this in September saying that he wanted to detox and get better. He detoxed at the hospital as he is a diabetic (not sure what normal detox would be for someone.) I forgave him, but wanted to make it an open topic for conversation so I could ask him how he was doing. He saw an aadac counselor for a while but then kind of just stopped. I was suspicious but didn't want to press him if he had been doing okay. He works away from home so I set my boundary that if we were going to be together he had to follow through with the addac (my therapist advised me to setting boundaries.) So early this week he called me crying telling me he's coming home because he has relapsed. I don't know what to do or how to handle this situation a second time. He is back in the hospital detoxing and has made plans to go to a rehab facility. I want to be with him but I am very afraid of the future that will be in store for me. I don't know where to find the faith I need to believe that its going to work. We are currently not speaking because every time we do, we fight. I can't handle him, and I know that going through detox isn't easy but it is hard for me to find sympathy in his pain. I want to be the one that gets to hold is hand when he is clean and through with it, but how will I ever know when it is really over? Or is it ever over? I have my whole life ahead of me and although I love him and always will I don't know how to do this. All I know is that I can't help him, I'm not qualified and I can't control his sobriety. But I also know I don't want to leave him, and I don't think I'll be able to handle another relapse.