Chino,
You touched upon something I "know" but haven't squarely faced: my control issues.
My Higher Power has helped me let go more than I've ever been able to. But my son will test this. Therapy--yes. Alanon, yes. And my sponsor has told me many times "it's nothing personal," and I can finally feel what that means.
The thing that has me confounded: Beyond not using, and not bringing drugs into the house, what are realistic expectations of him? Behavior at home and at school? Chores? (Not worried about his grades at this point--recovery comes first.)
Also--what about electronics? He uses them to isolate. My husband says (and I tend to agree) that when he gets home, there will be no cell phone or video games, and no TV in his room. He can use the computer downstairs, where we can keep an eye on him, and watch TV with us. He can earn back his TV, but the phone will be the last thing he gets back, and I don't want to return the XBox at all--he's on it constantly. I'd like him to try getting into other activities, but I don't want to overwhelm him.
Does this all sound too punitive and/or controlling, or fair? He can earn back some of his electronics, but they're a privelege, not a right. Right?
Also, there will be some sort of aftercare--maybe an outpatient group with other teens that meets 3 times a week for 3 hours at a time. But I'm wondering whether to give him a choice to to attend AA meetings with me M-F. Haven't discussed \with his counselor yet. He doesn't need to sit with me, but I'm thinking it might be more "real" than a group.
I'd love to hear anyone's perspectives on any of this. Thanks!