Originally Posted by
missbea 
I feel I need to provide more info so that I can get the right advice before moving forward. I know he doesn't use crack, I know he did not use any drugs when he was away for those 3 days because he was tested when he came back. I'm not defending him or being delusional. I know this because he was tested at the facility where he was admitted and I have access to that information.
Also, regarding STDs, I cannot say for a fact that he's not been with other women, I'm not naive, but there's never been any evidence of that. I have access to his e-mail, cell phone, bank records, everything. So I think I will know if he's cheated on me. His vice is drugs. Not women. He's never been abusive towards me, I've never been afraid of him or anything, everything has always been great, etc, etc. That's not the issue
He is addicted to cocaine and has been a functioning addict since I met him (I just didn't know it). When I found out the first time, he tried to stay off (cold turkey - without help) for 2 months and felt extremely depressed. This is when he relapsed (about 3 months ago) and has been doing it every other weekend or so until the last episode. This time he is getting professional help, outpatient treatment and seeing a doctor about his depression and a therapist about his issues. Mind you, this is only a couple of weeks in the making. I don't know if I should give up and move on or if I should stay and watch his progress, because this means I will have to watch out for any signs of relapse and I could not trust him. It will be hard being in a relationship with someone I don't trust. Or have to drug test. Not sure I can live like that even if he never relapses.
Thank you all for your comments. Please keep them coming.
Missbea -- Hi there and welcome to SR. Your post above is something I could have predicted. It's very common for fiance's in your position to all do the same thing. First post is full of angst and fear, wondering what to do. The SR members with years of experience in this arena commonly respond the same way:
"RUN!!!" This is one of the hottest topics here at SR....when we see a young lady (or gent) that is about to tie the knot with a serious drug user/addict you will see members
coming out of the woodwork trying to convince her that she is in for a life of utter HELL. And then the OP's response to those first few posts are very common as well... "Well, let me clarify!...He's not
that bad!"
The thing is that yes, he IS "that bad"! Probably 80% of our addicted loved ones are "functional" in the beginning stages of their addiction. The thing is that 80% of the time it continues on and on and on for years and years. That is the experience of just about every family member here. Yes, it is possible that your fiance will get sober. I believe the statistics show there is about a 15%-20% chance of long term sobriety. In the meantime, there will be relapses. It is possible your finances could be ruined, or your children hurt, or an STD is passed to you, etc. It is almost assured that you will lose your peace of mind and may never get it back.
Just keep reading, keep an open mind, but PLEASE postpone the wedding. Stay with him and support him if you want, but just don't get married.
Good luck to you. ((((Hugs))))