Instant, i understand that and do appreciate your advice.
A couple of weeks back i had a solid plan, full of confidence and resolve. I felt strong and highly capable that i would succeed, the expectation were so high that i set myself up for a hard crash if i was to fail. I did and now i pay the price, the higher you go the harder you fall would describe where i am. As of now the inner strugle to rectify my path will rage on until i either come out of it or keep failing. This thread is helping me working things out and is why am here. Thanks for all the advice, it helps me fight off another drink.