Oh boy. You know what we're all going to say.
I'm married to an addict. It gets a lot worse before it gets better (if it gets better...I'm still waiting...
). You've survived 1 crack binge. There will be MANY more, and you know that sick feeling you get when he has disappeared? It never gets better. Even though you KNOW he's out getting high, you get that crazy desperate feeling every...single...time...and it lasts the entire duration of his absense. His disappearances will get more frequent.
Like lesliej said, "even my own ex had told me to RUN".
I was laying in bed with my husband trying to explain the depression I feel at having been betrayed, lied to, and used so many times by the man I love. I said, "How would you feel?" His response? "I wouldn't be here!"
I said, "What do you mean? You would have left me if I had put you through what you have put me through?"
"Yes," he said.
Even the addicts know they are treating us like crap. They seem to have more self-respect than we do; they wouldn't put up with an addict!
I keep reading things that say a person in active addiction is not capable of love because the person does not even love himself or herself.
Your fiance is in active addiction. So he does not love you? He is not capable of loving you? All he is capable of is fueling his addiction. So with that in mind, you are VOLUNTEERING to be miserable because you are in love with someone who does not love you and only uses you.
If I understand this correctly, THAT IS HORRIBLE!!!
If an addict is incapable of love and is only capable of using and manipulating people to fuel the addiction, then that means that he TRICKED you or MANIPULATED you into falling in love with him so he could use you!
If I am understanding my research correctly. Now, I am new to SR so I may be misunderstanding what I've read.
I am struggling with this today. Why am I allowing myself to be used and manipulated by someone who doesn't love me?
Something else lesliej said that you need to be aware of: Jekyll and Hyde.
One day he is the most wonderful man in the world, and the next he is the cruelest person on the planet! I thought the cruel one was the addict taking over, but today I believe that Mr. Wonderful is the addict manipulating me, and Mr. Cruel is the addict trying to get some distance from me so he can use.