Hi Destiny,
Sorry that you are going through this. I think what I went through was very similar, so what I will write is not medical advice, it is my experience. Take what you can and leave the rest.
It seemed to me that what you had written about was more about a bipolar or depression episode. My ex was not diagnosed, but we saw many therapist together that all suggested to me that he needed a medication evaluation and extensive therapy.
Well he wouldn't do it. I did do a lot of research on bipolar, and at first I did this to try to "get him to see the light", I couldn't, I then used it for me "to see the light", I did get it.
Some of the things that yours said to you, is exactly what mine said to me. When he said "if you don't know, after 8 years, then he is not telling you", he might actually have been truthful here ---- now just rearrange that a little to ---- I've been going through this for 8 years, and I don't know why, so how can I tell you???????????", might have been what he meant. Also when he said "everything you say is ********", I heard that one all the time. That one, when my ex said it, meant --- there is so much going on in my mind right now, I can't listen to you, just shut up already.
Is this right? is this respectful? Of course not.
What I learned is that medication alone, will not treat bipolar or depression. It can help ease the symptoms, but it seemed like my ex had one way only of dealing with things, and without therapy, and learning new ways of dealing, he just kept going back to what he knew, and that was ----------to blame me-------.
Is it your job to make him see this? No. You might be able to suggest therapy, but that will probably make him angry. In his reasoning, it could be easier for him to see this as your fault. It would not be "coey" to suggest.
If you decide to do this, speak to a therapist first about the right way, and the right time to do this.
You can not reason with a person who is in a state of depression or bipolar, (who historically blames you), they will begin to see you as the "enemy". So please don't try this. You can set boundaries though at that time.
I lived through this for over 25 years. I got to learn a lot about my ex, esp. from some of the weird things that he would say. I didn't start to associate the weird things, as truthful, until about 2 years before I left him.
My ex was never going to get meds, or go to therapy (for CBT, or DBT, or anything else). He was comfortable blaming me.
Each fight that we had was the same. It was like watching a movie, that you didn't like the ending in it, and just kept hoping, that this time when you watch it, it will end differently. And you watch it over and over, but it still ends the same.
I came to realize that the only way that movie would end differently, is if they rewrote the script, and made the movie over with a different ending. Well, that wasn't going to happen.
What I mean by that, is that your H, only has one script, he doesn't have the "tools" for a different script, and until he does, the movie and the ending will always be the same.
I hope this makes sense.
But, above all, remember you do not deserve this. You did not CAUSE it, you cannot CONTROL it, and you cannot CURE it. You can though, walk away at any time.