I am so sorry WDHG
I can't imagine your pain. I have gone through a really tough time recently. I would recommend listening to Melody Beattie - Co - Dependent No More. This has gotten me through the worst month I think I've ever had. It was like she let me breath a bit and said things that my brain would not allow me to think or say. You will make it through this. He will always regret what he has done, but you need to just take care of yourself and the baby. I am sending good vibes your way...