I don't expect her to forgive and forget. But how do I attempt to fix a relationship in which she is accusing me of things I'm not doing? She thinks I'm lying......this is so messed up and I would love some advice.
Okay, it is going to take TIME, LOTS OF TIME. I think I was about 3 years sober or so when my MOTHER finally acknowledged that yep I had turned my life around in her 'her eyes.'
Well, how did I do that?
1: I didn't discuss my recovery with here.
2: I did discuss my 'day to day' or 'week to week' life. When she would bring up something 'negative' I would just say; "well I guess time will prove you wrong." and change the subject.
3: I did continue to WORK ON ME EVERY DAY (still do 30+ continuous years later).
We didn't live near each other, but did talk once a week. My mother was always a 'very opinionated person' and if I or anyone disagreed you went on her 'chit list.' Well it reached a point when I was about 5 1/2 years sober that I have finally 'had it', (yes this was in recovery) and I told her that I would no longer speak with her unless she could treat me with the 'respect' I did her. You know how that went over ........... like a lead balloon. She started 'ranting at me', I hung up, and the next day changed my telephone number. Not too long after that I moved to a different place and then a different state.
I didn't talk with her or have any contact with her for 5 years. I finally called the house in Aug of '92 when Hurricane Andrew was headed straight for them. Oh I did stay in touch with other members of my family just not her.
Lo and behold, her whole 'attitude' toward me and life it seemed had changed in those 5 years.
I can tell you that we had a very good 12 years until her demise in '04.
All I am trying to show you is that YOU CANNOT CONVINCE HER OF ANYTHING. Just keep working on your sobriety and being the best YOU you can be for YOU and your son.
She will either come around or she won't in time. You also have the RIGHT to stop the conversation at any time. Walk away, say 'I have to go now' etc. As you stay sober you will figure out how to and will know what your personal 'boundaries' are.
Congrats on your 3 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love and hugs,