if you are "in relationship" with someone you usually do things like "back them up" "take their side" "have sympathy for them" "encourage and support them" "accept their faults" etc etc etc
for a person who is working a recovery program, and especially an early recovery program...these sorts of relationship behaviors (which are pretty normal and sweet and partnership oriented) can be deadly!! unknowingly one can feed the addict's ego, pride, self pity and resentments...it is not soul nourishment to do so...it is poison to an addict!
a "recovery relationship" as in sponsor/sponsee, fellowship, sober living roommate...almost always sees through the bullchit and they refuse to walk on eggshells
these relationships help enormously, they help the addict refocus their perception and recover their spirit
they do not comfort, salve, and take under their wing.
my mother's pride and congratulations on my recovery program is almost an insult! yes, truly! she not only does not know what she is talking about but she has no idea what it was like and what i have gone through. in fact she was a key figure in the dysfunction that was nourishing my alcoholism
i work on my resentment/relationship with her all the time
her "congratulations" feels doughy, naive, patronizing and ignorant. seriously. i would never say that to her, or my sober siblings, or most people. i will say it here as i have said it to my sponsor and therapist
i recognize the ego part mentioned. in my relationship with exABF I thought i could dance with his devil and outsmart it...i had better steps of recovery, better theology, better psychology, and in the end the devil had him by the ba//s still.
im still doing a very slow waltz...through a tech filter at a distance. at least i have some clue of what the INCOMPREHENSIBLE demoralization is like... but it is HIS not mine
there will be dozens and dozens of people who will know what they are talking about as a new recovery person needs encouragement and understanding
if you cannot understand or comprehend or you haven't been there then you're just taking up the space of someone who does. and he needs that person, not a naive, soft, "got your back", "take your side" kind of ego and resentment feeding self/other pitying love