My boyfriend has a history of addiction. This resulted in us separating (as I could not accept his very erratic behaviour) and him consequently being sent to prison for drug dealing. I started visiting him. He got clean, worked the programme, got healthy and fit and we started a relationship again. He had been clean for 18 months before he got out of prison.
We have been living together for 8 months. He has (or so I thought) been clean, started training as a drugs counsellor, volunteering in a drugs center, gone back to college.....basically, turning his life around
He got a slipped disk that caused him a lot of pain and was practically off work for 5 weeks.
Two days ago, he went out to the shops. When he came back I smelt heroin on him. He denied it. Since I have never been a user, I doubted my instincts (silly, I know!) and felt really bad about accusing him.
He then admitted he had been using sporadically. I said that was it, we are finished. I can't trust him and I can't put myself through this web of lies and deceit.
He was extremely upset, told me it was not every day, sometimes he had gone for over a week without then used 3 times the following week. He told me it was not just Heroin, but also crack at times.
He said he felt ashamed and that he wanted to tell me but couldn't bring himself to do so. He, in a way, wanted to 'get caught'
I know that he is not using every day because I would have noticed (we spend days at a time together without losing sight of each other and I recognise both smells well)
I don't know what to do. I truly love him but don't want to put myself in a position where I get hurt over and over again. We were trying for a baby!!! (that's obviously off the cards now!!)
I thought we were best friends and he could tell me when he was getting cravings or felt the urge to use (its something we have talked about openly in the past)
He promised that he will stop and will never lie to me again (I don't believe him after what has happened)
He said he was so sorry and can't bear the thought of losing me (I said this is tisk he decided to take when he decided to use)
He said he needs to prove how serious he is about this
He gave me his phone, deleted all his numbers in front of me and he got a new chip
He went to a meeting and has made plans to go 3 times a week.
He has promised to start working the programme.
He is giving me his credit card and all his money so he doesn't have access to it.
He said he will get tested regularly at home (on days of my choice) so he can prove he will not take anything
He is going to his mothers today and said he will be honest about what has been going on
I'm not sure if this is an honest sign that he is serious about this or just a way of him not losing me.
I'm so upset, let down and our trust has been broken.
PLEASE HELP I don't know what to do
Im so so sad. We were SO happy. I don't understand why this is happening or what the best thing to do is