being told you are an idiot is not very helpful
your friends and family are telling you that because they love you and they want to see you be free of relationship with an active addict
that is because active addiction is horrible, it includes lies, deceit, blaming, manipulation, really awful destructive mind/heart/soul numbing and killing behavior.
there is so much denial surrounding addiction that it will be pretty much next to impossible for you to understand it, but you are probably going to try to do everything you can do to try to understand it because your heart is involved.
hearts aren't made for dealing with active addiction, and active addiction doesn't have much connection to heart. quite often, when someone who does not have any experience with addiction or codependency discovers that they are in the midst of it it can be entirely confusing. sometimes friends and family members want to just take you out of the situation
it's kind of like an intervention...and it happens, a lot, for a reason. if you decide to stay in there and try to understand this it is going to be a long journey ahead, it will take up a lot of your life energy. this is why some people will call someone an idiot...because though it is not "our" addiction we can become attached to the addiction and unable to let go
get as much help and support as you can...you deserve it. keep reaching out, get the books!! go to meetings!! you deserve it. do it for you. do it for your heart and soul. do it for your life.
YOUR LIFE.