Thank you everyone for your replies. This board gives me strength! Cyranoak, you correctly diagnose that I haven't been to Al Anon -- maybe 3 times in the past year, but not enough. I've probably gone to 50+ meetings over the years so I know what it's about, and I agree, it does help.
I also go to a Christian 12 step group called Celebrate Recovery. I went last night, and between uncorking on you guys, and then talking there, I am more sane.
Sometimes I feel the same as everyone here, and sometimes I feel different. My AW has always stirred deep feelings of pity and compassion in me. I guess because I see how "sweet" she can be sometimes. That's why it has been SO HARD jamming a bunch of consequences on her. I just hate telling people things they don't want to hear. That goes for AW or anyone else for that matter, it's part of my people-pleaser personality.
For people who are also like this -- does that EVER change? Does it ever get easier to be tougher, more blunt, more honest -- even if the truth hurts another person?