...after all of my years in recovery I believe I do, in fact, love my wife. However, as so brilliantly pointed out by others in this thread what I perceived as love in the past was in fact controlling and codependent behavior with a huge dose of my addiction to drama (since lifted through Alanon) and perhaps my commitment to my marriage oath as I saw it.
It is through recovery that I learned what love, in my opinion, really is. My wife agrees and we were both shocked to learn, years later, that we really do love each other. We also agreed we could only do our relationship through the programs (AA and Alanon). What a relief after all the pain and misery to finally have some serenity in our relationship (not all serenity, but some serenity).
It's also a relief now, when I tell her I love her, that it doesn't mean anything other than that.
Take what you want and leave the rest.
Cyranoak
Originally Posted by
FaithfulHusband 
Craynoak,
I get exactly what you are saying. I too am Married to an AW. I did not always get it, but I've come to understand it. I understand your frustration all too much. Your post is 100% right. Love is it's own addiction. Regardless of the facts, it does still exist. The same love that you described can also be a part of the solution as well. It can be positive in some ways. You can call it "tough love" or whatever you want. Just because all of the things you said are true it unfortunately wont stop people from loving someone with or without a disease such as this one. Thank you for putting it into perspective. It is as true as it is hard to hear.