The most profound thing I ever learned about expectations is this:
It's okay to have expectations around a role. Expectations regarding an individual person lead to disappointment and suffering.
Applied to your situation, that means your expectations are not unreasonable for a husband. But, they may very well be unreasonable for this particular person at this particular time. It is entirely up to you whether you want to change your expectations of the husband role (even if only temporarily) or if you feel you need to "uncast" him from that role. Trying to get him to play the role your way if he is unwilling will only hurt you (and him).
L