(((Florence))) - I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. Some relationships can survive addiction and recovery, for others, by the time recovery is started, it's "too little too late" and the damage has been done.
As far as him being fragile, well sort of. Yes, we do tend to focus on our recovery and it is the most important thing in our life. However, there are many of us RAs that were faced with getting back into life, doing the responsible thing right away. I know ((Freedom)) got out of rehab, and immediately was faced with being a single mom of 2 - it was up to her to feed and house her family. I came back from a relapse and was looking for a job within days - helped my dad out in HIS job until I got one, about 3 weeks later.
Life didn't stop for me to recover. It was kind of like when my mom died - I wanted everything to STOP so I could grieve - life just isn't that way. I was a nurse, was pulled to the cardiac floor one night, dealing with patients just like my mom and I was ANGRY that medical science didn't cure HER.
I was also angry, for a while in recovery. The bills didn't stop, I had to rebuild trust and it was hard...but entirely do-able. I brought it on myself, and it was up to ME to make it right.
I don't know if you go to al-anon, but that might help. Resentments are not a good thing, and we have to learn to work through them or they will eat us alive. SR has helped me work through most of them, but some f2f help is always a good thing.
As far as when it's reasonable to ask more from your marriage? I think there's no day like today. He has the tools for recovery - IMO, he's got to learn how to use them when things are rough. For me, real recovery began when my world was falling apart and I had to USE those tools and not pick up.
You have needs and dreams, and these are just as important.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy