Originally Posted by
onlythetruth 
Well my AV is pretty quiet, usually. But he stopped by to say "Hi!" for the holiday.
It all started when my daughter asked if it bothered me that I couldn't drink like everyone else on new year's. And up piped the old AV, claiming that (get this) I've abstained from booze for so long that SURELY one drink on a festive occasion couldn't hurt! He wanted me to give it a try, and hoist a cocktail with my kid for the holiday!
It has been a long time since I heard from my AV. I thought he was gone, but apparently not. Fortunately, I have this thing called a memory, and was easily able to recall my last drinking episode, which involved enough embarrassment to last me a lifetime. This got rid of the AV pretty quickly.
So...he's weak, but he's a wily ******* and he's still there. He's not going to get me to drink again though: I am a non-drinker.
Can very much relate. Occasionally, during this past holiday season, my mind has wandered into the following thought:
"Well, this is all about brainwashing. At first I was brainwashed into thinking I'd surely drink if I didn't go to meetings, (and I would drink when I didn't go to meetings and was following that belief system). Then I re-brainwashed myself to understand that I and I alone had the power to simply not drink, regardless of my circumstances. So following that pattern, I can also brainwash myself to just have 2-3 drinks at social gatherings and call it a day. I'll brainwash myself into being a normal drinker".
[ETA: the reality of that last thought is that I
have tried it, and my brain usually reaches a point where, after having "succeeded" at the 2-3 drink thing on a few occasions, it says "But what
is the point of just having 2-3 anyway? Why do I need rules for myself?" I always rationalize my way out of what I said I would stick to]
These thoughts are scary, because sometimes they go on and play out without me even catching what is happening. I then have to remind myself who is doing the talking and bring out the real, rational-speaking me. The person who wants to survive.