Originally Posted by
gmaklay 
The one thing that does scare me for you is, that you are suffering so very much and you are so very concerned with your health yet you are still interested in your future drinking. At this point I would think you would never want any part of that again. Not judging just a concern. Remember like Glenn Beck said Alcoholism is an allergy... It's just the way we are wired, we can't make the decision to just have a few drinks and everything will be alright. Our bodies have become dependent on it and we just need to stay away from it.
The same thing struck me as I was reading this thread.
I have just turned 39 and started drinking at 18. I have only had one 3-month period off drinking in that time. I was a binge drinker, but didn't do benders for days. I also didn't drink every day.
But I KNOW my relationship with alcohol is and always will be unhealthy. I tried going for just the 1-2 glasses of vino, but after the 2nd I always felt in flying form and had to have another. At that point friends would be heading home so I'd leave as well and get a bottle on the way home.
I simply don't have the 'off' button that many others have. They can take it or leave it - I can't.
I am only accepting now that this is the case and it terrifies me too that I can never drink again.
But I want to have a long and happy life without fearing what my drinking is doing to my body, my mind.
I get at 25 this must seem all pretty scary - never drinking again - but in my experience, moderating my drinking NEVER worked and I see from reading on here that many other the same.
I thought I could train myself to drink socially - I can't.
I hope you are OK, Chris. Let us know how you are doing if you can.