Originally Posted by
anvilhead 
you've been separated for virtually TWO years, he has NOT changed nor does he WANT to change.....i dare ask gently....when you say you do not want the marriage to end....WHAT marriage?
Brilliant!!!!
I must add. When I have big decisions to make I break it down to three options. Then it becomes SO VERY CLEAR to me! This is what I see as your options (but you may see it completely differently).
1 - Keep living seperately and change nothing: Outcome - nothing changes!
2 - Move back in togther: That has proven unsuccessful. Outcome - nothing changes!
3 - Divorce: Outcome - You move forward and create a life of peace and joy for yourself and find happiness. He does whatever he feels compelled to do with his life.
Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of insanity! If you change nothing, NOTHING WILL CHANGE!
I finally realized this and I told my AH after 23 years of marriage that the drinking had to end. I had the last fight about alcohol and I did. I was going to be happy with or without him, but I was going to find happiness again, and I have! He ultimately did quit and has been sober for 3 years. But about 1 1/2 into recovery he told me he couldn't promise me he'd never drink again. My response I think surprised him. I told him I made no promises either but I would not be married to him if he drank - period. And I won't. I think he was testing the waters.
I'll pray for wisdom and peace for you in your journey!