Jamaica, I'm not separated from my AH, but we are living separately in the same house for almost a year. He too doesn't want to quit drinking or talk about that or our relationship. I just told my counselor this week that I wanted him to admit that he's an alcoholic, which he's never done. She asked me why that was important to me, and I told her because I thought it was the first step to him getting help. She asked me to think about why I needed that confirmation from him since it wouldn't assure me he wanted to quit drinking. Of course, he's never even come close to admitting to anything, and when I've brought up his drinking in the past few months, he gives me some lame quacking about how he tried everything and it didn't matter. I drug him to counseling for a few joint sessions, but as long as he's drinking, there's no point to that because he just gets defensive. My AH also shows no signs of wanting to dissolve the marriage. So where do we go from here when we love men who love to drink more than they love anything or anyone? I'm thinking that divorce court is probably my only choice at this point. We can't cure them or make they want to be cured or we would have done that long ago. Pray for all of us who are facing just a weighty dilemma in 2012.