I sure can relate to what you said about being older. We can't put our bodies through that torture any more. No amount of alcohol did it for me in the end. There was nothing left to cling to - because the old feeling I used to get from drinking was never coming back. I wish I hadn't tried so hard to find it again - I ended up with dui's & all sorts of serious trouble.
This won't be you, JFD - you're going to get it right this time & have a whole new life. Keep talking to us - we care.