Rose,
I had to laugh when you said you were angry at the program and wanted to just be you. Sorry but if you go back to find that denial it won't be there. And YOU have grown and changed...that other you is gone! And how happy was she? You sound SOOO much better now!
When that Premarin scare came out I started cutting back but I was crying all the time. Mind you I was (still am) grieving but I didn't know what it was...the hormones or the grief or depression. I went back on the Premarin and started an antidepressant....I am feeling much better. I don't know really if it is the hormones or the other but who cares. Probably some of both.
So that is my prescription...go back on them...if you feel better you will know...and if you don't you will know something too.
You are in the middle of some major self discovery. Great job on the meetings! I don't mess with stuff during those times.
Hugs,
JT