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Old 12-28-2011, 09:12 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
GingerM
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Under the Rainbow
Posts: 1,086
"okay, you've done your little detachment skit but, c'mon, this is serious now, time to drop it, she's in hospital"
That's not your voice. That's someone else's voice. Your voice is the voice saying "Yeah, like that's going to do any good."

Listen to your own reality checks. Here's one for you: what can you do at the hospital that the doctors and nurses and other medical types can't? I'm guessing that they will tell her everything you could say to her - she needs to stop drinking, it's going to kill her etc. And she will heed them to the same extent that she's listened to you in the past.

If no one has given you the 3C's yet, I'd like to introduce you to them, they can help tremendously to combat that part of you that makes you feel like you "should" go do something. The 3C's: You didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't cure it. The next time you start feeling like you "should" go see her, repeat those three C's to yourself several times, then think about whether you WANT to go.

A gem from a previous therapist of mine: there are no "shoulds" in life. There are "wishes", "wants" and "would be in my best interests". Next time you start "should-ing" yourself, see if the "should" fits any of those other three categories. From this side of the internet, it doesn't seem as if you wish to see her, want to see her or even that it would be in your best interest if you were to see her.

I have great sympathy for your situation. It's extraordinarily difficult to watch someone slowly kill themselves and to feel powerless over the situation. It's heart-breaking. And it's not easy. But you still have to take care of you. You're of no use to anyone else if you make yourself crazy (first rule of rescue: do not put the rescuer at risk).

Please keep coming back. You'll find a lot of people here with a lot of support for the position you find yourself in.
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