Alcoholic mother in hospital
I just got a call from my mother's doctor saying she's being sent to hospital. A neighbour (her drinking buddy) found her on the sofa "in a bad way". She apparently soiled herself and is slightly hypothermic and malnourished.
I'd been pretty much estranged from my mother for 4 years and only started talking to her on the phone this year about 4-5 months ago. Once a week phonecalls. She sounded like she was doing okay, only once or twice I spoke to her when she sounded like she'd been drinking (though she has her drinking days so this may not be an accurate reflection).
I'm calling the hospital tonight to see how she's doing. Another family member, who I also haven't had contact with much until recently, is planning on flying to see her this week and wants me to come. This is the last thing I want to do in the world. I'd managed to detach from her and set boundaries with recent contact, without getting carried away that everything was finally going to be okay. I really don't want to go and see her but all the old voices, all the old guilt and responsibility is coming back even though rationally, I know I shouldn't have to go and see her and it would be to cost to myself. I just need some help and reassurance that I'm doing the right thing by not going. My recent contact with her has been all for her and of no benefit to myself. I don't feel we have a relationship or that she truly cares for me and before we started talking again this year, it had felt to me like she was dead and I had grieved for her. Now it's all back again.