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Old 12-26-2011, 04:18 PM
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hope2be
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Louisiana
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Finally, Step 2

Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

What is my concept of a Higher Power at this time?
God, working through other people.

What would it take to allow my concept of my Higher Power to change?
Re thinking that God is not a punishing God

Have past experiences affected my concept of a Higher Power? If so, how?
Growing up, I was told God would punish if I did something bad. Also, I prayed and prayed to God to change circumstances involving other people and it did not work. Therefore, I just figured there is no God and I must take control.

What do I hope to gain from accepting the concept of a Power greater than myself?
Serenity by acknowledging that someone else is in the driver's seat.
Hope that I can be restored to sanity (I really don't know if I ever had sanity).

Do I sense spiritual guidance in my life? How?
Only when I seek it, which I have to continually do throughout the day. When I don't seek spiritual guidance, I then revert back to trying to control. This is my addiction that I struggle with daily.

How do I describe the Higher Power I found in Al-Anon?
NOt sure about this one. I do think God puts the right people in my path when I seek his guidance.

What does “Let Go and Let God” mean to me?
It takes a tremendous weight off of my shoulders. My controlling has led me to take on the job God was intended to do. I have to bang my head against the wall a lot of times before I realize none of my efforts (controlling attempt) will do any good.

What does faith mean to me?
My Mother had a lot of faith, but because she was codependent, faith was not something I saw as helpful. However, now, I am beginning to relate faith to hope. Faith is the opposite of depression.

With whom and in what circumstances am I comfortable discussing my spiritual experiences?
I have co=workers that I feel comfortable with discussing this.
Circumstances? - not sure about this.

What might I gain from believing I could be supported and loved by a Power greater than myself?
Serenity, stop isolating, raise my self esteem and stop trying to control people and outcomes.

What does “came to believe” mean to me?
An awakening.

What does sanity mean to me?
Being serene enough to make good choices. Serenity would allow the clarity I need to make choices that are good for me and allow others to do the same.

How has the alcoholic situation affected my sanity? My life?
It has affected both. I grew up in it and it has ruled and defined me for a long time. Because of this, I lost myself, gave up hope and lived for anybody else but me.

Have I allowed the alcoholic situation to become my Higher Power? How?
Yes, definitely. It was at the forefront of every decision I made and most were not in my best judgement.

How has my thinking become distorted trying to handle the alcoholic behavior?
The distortion became my truth. My tolerance for the untolerable was at an all time high when I finally became sicker than the alcoholic/drug addict.

How have I turned to a Power greater than myself in times of great need?
I'm amazed at how much it took for me to finally turn to my Higher Power.
Did I call another Al-Anon member?
Just recently did I pick up the phone and actually call other people.
My sponsor?
I have yet to find a sponsor. Guess I'm still a little dysfunctional with this...don't fully trust yet.
Did I read Al Anon Conference Approved Literature (CAL)? Did I go to a meeting? If not, why not? Yes, I attend weekly meetings

In working this Step, can I describe a Step Two experience to my sponsor or my group? In a written sharing?
This is my written sharing. I attend CODA meetings and the meeting format does not contain this, although I wish it would. Living in a rural area and working nights makes it difficult to attend meetings. However, I use this board as a "meeting" daily. I still feel like I'm not doing enough and beat myself up with it sometimes. I am learning, though, that I have to be gentle with myself and say "hey..it's OK if you choose to do this or that to take care of yourself".

When have I done the same things over and over, yet expected different results?
Every time I get insane.

HOpe
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