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Old 12-25-2011, 01:51 PM
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sprman24
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: New Brunswick, Canada
Posts: 44
How to explain it to friends

Hi @ll,

Christmas is always the time, when u realize how much u lost , how much u don't have and how lonely u really are.

Well I grew up with foster parents, since my real mommy was an AH and she died when I was 12. I lived with my foster family since I was 3 month old and moved out, when I was 21. Because they are really religious and me not so much anymore, we don't have the best realationship and they live overseas, since I moved to Canada 4 years ago. That just to my background.

So, since there is not really family, I kinda depend on friends, to have some kinda happieness and social interacting. And I actually made a few really good friends in the first 2 years, of moving here.
When I met my ABF 2 years ago, I honestly had no idea he has a drinking problem. We simply had fun, went out together, I introduced him to my friends and so on. His family lifes around 1000km from here so far way, but I was able to meet them, at our first Christmas together. Altogether we started great off together. Till things changened. I found out that he was lieing, that he cheated, the he wasn't relaible in anyway, always something else came up. A emotional rollercoaster.
Well in this whole process, l talked to a few friends of mine, about things he did or didn't. But in the end, everybodys reaction was more : "well i wouldn't put up with that" " he is a jerk" "What an as*******" and so on. Well that wasn't really help. After around 4 or 5 month, his sister finally told me, he is an AH. But instead me running away, I really thought, well that explains everything...now i know why and now I can help him, I gonna go and fix his problem. I really didn't know enough about Alcoholism at all.

Well that definatly changed, I know now that I was never be able to fix his problem etc. I mean we all know the 3 C etc. I read AA Bigbook, I read all kinda things in the internet, I finally started last week AL Anon, etc. So thats all understood and in work.

I just wonder, how to explain it to my friends. Infect, I almost all of my friends over the 2 last years. Not because I did isolate myself or anything. No, they just stopped inviting me, I wasn't invited to all the parties and dinners anymore etc. Phone calls and text messages slowed down etc. And believe me, i tried many times. But everybody got sick of the BS i went through. Lots gave me advise not knowing anything about drinking either. In the end most think, I am stupid and hang up on him, so why bother.
I once told them, well I am not the AH. I don't need though laugh, in order to go through it.
This Christmas I am so upset, because people who were once so important in my life, are not there anymore. How should I explain or start over again with them? Or should I even. I am upset, because nobody of them, then actually one person, even tried to understand.
Everybody kinda gave up on me, and I hear so many hurtful things. Like the time when my BF got into Detox and started AA and a friend told me, well don't wine about it, if it doesn't work with his quitting. Nobody even believes he could.
I might should have listened 2 years ago and should left him. Maybe i should have done that. But i didn't. Because I thought i do the right thing at that time.
Did those kinda things happend to u too? And how did u handle that.
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