Hi sprman,
I was in a marriage with a man who acts like a dry drunk, he and I both have mothers who are ACOAs. And I acted like the codependent counterpart.
After the marriage ended I got into a relationship with an ACOA, and then, finally an alcoholic. It was agony. By far it was the shortest relationship of the 3 but it was the MOST PAINFUL. Finally I had a motivating reason to go to Alanon and initially I went so that I could "save" the relationship. Which, thank God, didn't happen. Instead, I saved ME.
I've been going for over 2 years now and I still attend 2-3 meetings a week even though I haven't been in a relationship with an alcoholic for almost 2 years. I stay connected to my Alanon family and in touch with the Steps, which help me to take care of myself in all the ways my parents couldn't (they didn't know how), and therefore I didn't learn how to do that for myself. As a mother I want to model for my children that self-care is essential to a happy life. And my kids go to Alateen, where they are learning tools for themselves as well.
A few months ago I started dating an apparent "normie"--someone who doesn't understand alcoholism by having lived with it, who sees the insanity for what it is when I describe certain situations I lived with as a child (and then as an adult when I chose similar situations). I'm sometimes amazed that he really doesn't know what that's like...I'm happy for him, and relieved that I seemed to have gotten healthy enough to attract that dynamic into my life. And I'll still attend Alanon even though I'm in this seemingly much healthier relationship. He knows that it's very important to me. And because he knows it's important to me, he supports it.
As for long posts, I'm with you there...seldom do I post less than the length of this response. It helps...
Glad you're here,
posie