I'm sorry you're dealing with this, but believe me, lots of us have dealt with the same thing in one form or another. So, welcome to the family...
I want to echo what was said above: develop your OWN life. I didn't want to be alone, but I was most alone when I was in relationship with people who were not available. I found support and camaraderie in Alanon and began the slow but amazing transformation into a person I love and respect: I like ME. Your husband's journey is his own, there is nothing you can do to make that different. I know when I tried to "help" the alcoholic I ended up looking and feeling pretty d*mn insane (and that goes for "dry drunks", too)! As Pelican posted, the 3 Cs are really true: they have their path, and I have mine...
Thinking of you, and keep coming back!
posie