I had a bed for Mid September after picking up (June)>2yrs clean, not working on myself, just "clean". I did not go, so the inevitable: The Progression of this "Disease". My Wife's father died, my mother had cancer, I used in a hotel while I visted her before she came home to die.. her last words were "don't let him see you, my bad boy, don't let him see you." I am blessed to be alive, and so saddened by by your loss. I come to tears for what I hear in the rooms. We tell ourselves we would kill someone else, if they did to our loved one what we have done to ourselves. Crack is the worst. I only comfort in one's death that he helped others to come in from the dark and cold, more than one. I have known people to die as well. Sadly, Death, threats of losing family, jobs, whatever, may not break the bind, release the grip, but I assure you, for me, it all added up to this point. I want to live, to be a Daddy, a Hushand, a Human Being. You are in my Prayers, I went to Detox and have a bed in a VA Hospital for Junuary. I am fighting for it. I will pray for you, and remember him, his spirit, his true self, will remind me to fight, and inspire me. I do not want to die.