wanttobehappy,
So sorry for all you are going through, I would suggest individual and couples counseling which helped me alot, the couples counselor could keep our disagreements "in focus" and we got to the root of alot of our problems, also when one of us was out of line she called us on it.
I would also suggest al-anon and reading the stickies at the top of the page as well as the threads, these things may give you some coping skills and some clarity.
Hope it works out for you, please come back often to vent, talk, or get a hug, best of luck.
Bill