Welcome to SR, Seeker.
Wow! You being able to say this:
Originally Posted by
seekerofsanity 
I have left him multiple times, but each time I came back. Partly because I am not altogether healthy myself due to a lifetime of being put down and abused, and had a hard time making it on my own with a child in tow, and partly because I always felt guilty.
is just an amazing accomplishment. Being able to see the pattern and the reasons that lie behind it is HUGE.
Originally Posted by
seekerofsanity I just don't know how to get him to understand that he is not healthy, I am not healthy, our relationship is not healthy, and I truely believe the only way to even begin to fix it is to take time to ourselves to work on our own issues, independently before we can help each other.
You don't need to try to get him to understand anything. If he got it, you most likely wouldn't be planning to step back from the relationship. And, odds are he won't get it no matter how you try to explain it.
You can do whatever you decide to do. Just one breath at a time. One step at a time.
